Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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