East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
4 words: hood of his car
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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