Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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