Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
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