Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
