I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
