Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
