What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
