You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
