Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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