david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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