HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
