You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
