Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
