call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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