Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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