I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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