its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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