Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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