i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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