I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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