I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
