i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This is classic penis vs brain.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
