Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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