in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
