I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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