drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
