i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
