He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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