it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
