when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
