So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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