believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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