So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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