I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
