If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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