fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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