Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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