god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
