i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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