you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
