So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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