suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
