i already hear my dad disowning me
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
