we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
