The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
