your parents love me but you hate me
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
