your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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