So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
