# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
A+ Viking dick
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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