Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
