I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?