true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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