before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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