ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
