He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
