i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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