what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
