you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
