The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
