Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
