Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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