why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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