Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
