It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
