I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Acid is not a monday night drug
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
