Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
this just has baby written all over it
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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