Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
