I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
