i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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