Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
