Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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