What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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