The maid of honor just puked.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
