Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
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I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
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I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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