last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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