Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
