tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
